Holy Kiss

Sheryl Martin
6 min readJan 3, 2025

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His words entered my heart

Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38–42

Martha was resentful that her sister Mary was allowed to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen with the men while she prepared a meal. However, she didn’t address Mary directly but made the decision to express her frustration directly to Jesus including him within her negative judgement. Why didn’t Jesus instruct Mary to help her sister? It can be inferred that Martha was making her disdain known by the use of nonverbals; frowning, moving quickly, loudly placing dishes down on a table. Her frustration grew and grew until she angrily addressed the Master, the Messiah himself. Firstly, as mentioned, she didn’t kindly ask Mary to assist her, secondly, she asks Jesus if he cares that she is doing all of the work when her sister should be helping her but doesn’t wait for his response before commanding Jesus to tell Mary to help her.

Jesus was certainly aware of her negative intentions which was to manipulate all those in the room to harshly judge her sister. She raised herself up with the intent to diminish her sister when she could have politely requested to Mary to assist her with the meal. The ever wise, compassionate, insightful Jesus doesn’t take the bait and immediately responds in a way that protects Mary from harsh judgement and silences Martha.

Unfortunately, the most significant unrepentant sin for women in almost every religious community is passive aggressiveness towards other women characterized by gossiping, backstabbing, manipulativeness, and competitiveness. Also, unfortunate is that these are the very women who receive constant reinforcement and are raised up because their competitive natures deceive religious leaders and other women into believing they make good leaders.

Their behavior creates conflict, hurt, and a hierarchy that doesn’t belong in a believing community. Yes, there are female alpha wolves covered with sheepskin who with unawareness can destroy trust within the community. The religious institution which is meant to be a sanctified safe place for members can become unsafe and corrupted. Nor is this sinning negative common behavior found in women hardly ever addressed within believing communities.

In my personal experience, these women are found in most religious communities. There was the woman during the giving of the peace in church who turned her back to me when I reached out my hand. This woman happened to be a neighbor who lived across the street and who had frequent conversations with my husband who when running would stop to speak with her while she was outside working in her yard but refused to have conversation with me. There were a few women that when I haltingly spoke during a bible study, used negative non-verbals to the other study members clearly expressing their disdain for my inability to express myself. Unbeknownst to them I had very little sleep the night before which frequently affects my speech. Recently, while volunteering in Audio/Video on Christmas Eve, a previous member of the church appeared exactly two minutes before the service to complain to the AV Director that there were no seats left for herself and her five family members. She didn’t make eye contact, used an arrogant, angry voice tone, and most importantly didn’t politely greet the AV Director or me.

I am seeing an epidemic of believers not appropriately greeting one another. Every religion has a form of greeting that is to be made to “brothers and sisters” of the religion. In Christianity, the apostle Peter tells Christians to “greet one another with the kiss of love” (1 Peter 5:14). The apostle Paul also instructs the new believers to “greet one another with a holy kiss” (Romans 16:16). The “holy kiss” is a kiss on the cheek that is sanctified free from that which is profane, and as the apostle Timothy teaches, “Set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). Additionally, Paul exhorts to “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly [and sisterly] affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” [and respecting the dignity of every person (Book of Common Prayer)].

“Welcome one another, therefore, just as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” Romans 15:7

In Islam, Muslims are to greet each other with, “assalmu alaikum,” which means peace be upon you, in which the Qur’an states, “whenever you are greeted with a greeting, greet with what is better than it or return the same” (4:86). So a Muslim may respond “wa alaikum assalmu” or “wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah” (and upon you the peace and mercy of Allah) or “wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu” (and upon you the peace, blessings, and mercy of Allah). The Jews greet each other with “shalom aleichem” which means “peace be upon you”. The response is “aleichem shalom” which means “to you be peace.”

When believers greet each other in such a matter, they are preparing their hearts — it is a welcome from the heart and an acknowledgement of our respective position within a community of believers. I love God and so do you, we are brothers, we are sisters. To not greet one another or not to make eye contact is to deny love and to create discord. The lack of greeting and acknowledgement of another is destructive to a community and is not indicative of the Spirit of love which is to be found within a safe religious community. Alternatively, to greet a believing brother or sister with the “holy kiss” and then speak critically of them behind their back, or act unkindly toward them, is to become like a Judas who betrayed Christ with a kiss. The “holy kiss” becomes profane marked with the darkness of deception. This person not only betrays another with their deceptive greeting but is acting in such a way to hide their true natures. Is it not a betrayal of the gospel of Christ as well? Is there spiritual awareness that causes a tearful acknowledgement during the confession before communion and true repentance? Or does this person proudly move to take the bread and wine secure in their privilege, but in the very act of taking communion with others betrays their trust by acting in such a way to create conflict within the community?

Peter betrayed Jesus three times, even after Jesus warned him this is what would occur, but Peter vehemently refuses to believe that he would betray his beloved Christ. When he realizes what he has done, he quickly leaves in shame and sadness. Peter couldn’t forgive himself for his betrayal, so that he forgets the calling that Jesus had placed on him and attempts to go back to his fishing nets. But, the love of Jesus for Peter’s suffering brings Jesus back to Peter after his resurrection when Peter is morosely fishing with some of the disciples and unable to produce a catch of fish with their own experience as fishermen. The unrecognized Jesus tells them to put the net down on the other side of the boat in which they catch so many fish they can barely bring the fish into the boat. Their eyes are opened, and the ministry that Jesus had laid upon Peter is restored allowing Peter self-forgiveness and full repentance. Not so with Judas, who when recognizing what he had done, and how his actions wouldn’t bring him fame and fortune, commits suicide. The unrepentant sinner commits spiritual suicide and may influence others to sin as well.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22–23

Martha’s intent was to raise herself up above her sister, but remember, when you raise yourself up above others you will be lowered. “Martha, Mary has the better part for she has lowered herself at my feet to learn with an open heart, while you have closed your heart to my words.”

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Sheryl Martin
Sheryl Martin

Written by Sheryl Martin

It is suffering that shoots streams of creativity out of my heart, and the brokenness of life that explodes my heart into its soul.

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